Marriage Preparation 101
Whom and When Not to Marry! - Jeffry H. Larson
While searching for your potential mate, be aware of behavioral problems that might be extremely difficult on your marriage. In his book, Should We Stay Together, Dr. Jeffry Larson lists some types to avoid as well as situations that might indicate potential problems. For detailed explanations, please refer to his book.
Types to Avoid
- Don't get married to a controller.
- Don't get married to an anger addict.
- Don't get married to an abuser.
- Don't get married to a possessor.
Don't get married if any of these situations apply to your relationship
- If either of you constantly asks, "Are you sure you love me?"
- You spend most of your time together disagreeing or quarreling with no resolution.
- If you don't get along well with either your mother or father, and your prospective mate seems to be just like that troublesome parent.
- If you're marrying someone to mother or father you.
- If you keep thinking, "Maybe things will get better after we're married."
- If your potential mate claims to approve of your interests/hobbies but then criticizes you for spending so much time on them.
- If you discover you're marrying a sex object rather than a person.
- If you spend a day alone with your prospective mate and you find it intolerable.
- If you're rebounding from your last love relationship.
- If your partner is an addict and not in recovery.
- If your partner is just the opposite of you.
- If he apprears to be the "strong, silent type."
- If she is a prefectionist.
- If your partner has traits you cannot stand but you never raise the issue for fear of offending.
- If you frequently feel manipulated.
- If your partner overreacts to simple problems or situations.
- If you find yourself being too anxious to please a partner who gives little back in return.
- If you're desperately lonely.
- If you and your partner have a chronic pattern of breaking up and getting back together.
- If either of you have a history of loving your partner one day and hating them the next.
- If you're in an unequal relationship.
- If your self-esteem suffers as a result of being in the relationship.
- If your partner brings out the worst qualities or behavior in you, not the best in you.
- If you frequently feel misunderstood and are constantly trying to explain your point of view.
- If your partner was previously married - unless at least one year has passed since the divorce and the emotional healing process is largely complete.
Larson, J. H. (2000). Should we stay together (pp. 164-168). San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
© 2005 Before Forever - School of Family Life
Brigham Young University